Ive been doing a lot of code tracing at work these days.
Seeing so much abstraction in the code base has somehow got me thinking about my own behaviour - about how I am attracted to him but yet I kept passing up the chance to see him on purpose; why I am so afraid.
You see - an abstract class identifies the key traits of an object. They can even suggest how each of these traits are suppose function when the object exhibits them. But when the system implements the abstract class to create an instance of the object - these traits, and therefore behaviour of the instance, can be overridden.
I wonder if subconsciously I've controlled myself to see him just enough to create an abstract version of him. And then with that - an instance of him gets implemented in my world with traits overridden to how I think he would be - if I got closer; if it was actually possible between us.
I'm afraid of seeing him, of getting closer in the real world because then I'll have to face the truth that reality has implemented him in a way where things are impossible. And being conscious to that would make it harder for me to keep my implementation alive.
I wonder if its the same for him. Thats why he invited me to his house but didn't follow up after. Of course, likewise, I said yes but didn't turn up as well.
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